my situation

teresa stared at Thomas; He stared at the place where above 3 to 4 inch. She stared at his hair which got a smell from Sabrina.

'Thomas, I can not tolerant this. I know I should not get mad. When you come to Prague for me, I start to forbid my jealousy. I do not want getting jealous. I think I am just not strong enough; I can not stand for it. Please help me! I beg you! '
He hugs her, and brings her to that park. There are benches in red, blue and yellow colors. They sit down.

'I understand that, I know what you need,' Thomas said 'I concern everything; the only thing you need to do is to go to the Pullin Mountain.'

'Pullin Mountain? ' She wondered 'Why?'

'You will know that later.'

Teresa felt really bad when she asked to leave; she is so weak even she can not get enough strength to leave that bench. She knows she can not reject his request. She forced to pull herself up.
She looked backward, and Thomas still sat on the bench. He smiled, and waved his hand, it imply she need to move on.

She reached the Pullin Mountain; she was so surprised that there is no one at there. She reached the Peak at last. She saw the ice-cream and souvenir store (but it was closed) and there is a lawn. There are some trees and they scattered around the lawn. She noticed there are 6 peoples , some of them standing straight and some are jogging, they seems like the golf-player who are thinking deeply to win that match. She walked to them.

3 of them seems worried, their face showed they want to know something.
Other 3 of them seems mercy and kind, one of them holding a gun. He recognized Teresa and smiled 'Yes, you are in the right place'

She nodded and feels worried.
That man said 'Oh, It is your own choice, right?'

She thought 'No, this is not my own choice!' But she don� want any disappointment from Thomas. It is difficult to explain and apologize to Thomas if she back to him
She answered 'Sure, it� my own choice!'

The man said' I would like to explain that the reason why I need to ask you since we only do it for the people who choose to death by themselves. We treat it as a service.'

The deaths man stared at Teresa. She confirmed and said 'No, no, do not worry, it is my own choice definitely'

'Then do you want to be the first one?'

'No' She wants to delay her death sentence 'I want to be the last one if it possible'
deathsman walk to the other 3 people. 2 assistant of the deathsman did not have any weapons. Their duty is just to accompany the people who want to die. They hold those people s arm, and walk through the grassland. Those people can choose one tree under permission. 2 of them choose the cottonwood, and third one lost their courage to walk, he stopped under the maple.
.......
The assistants blind their eyes.
......
The third one also lay down on the lawn.

One assistant came to her and holding the eye mask.
She refused 'No, I want to see'
It is not a truth reason; she just wants to delay the arrival of death. When her eyes were getting covered, she knows she will step into the death of the gate and never come back.

Deathsman do not force her, just hold her arm. They walk through the lawn but Teresa still not chooses a suitable tree. No one urge her, but she knows she can not escape in the end. She walked under a blossom candle tree. ..

The deathsman was holding a gun. Teresa feels powerless. The powerless made her depressed. It is an un-refused depression. 'But it is not my own choice' She said

He said softly 'If it is not your own choice, then we didn't have the right to do that'

He said kindly, he seems apologize to Teresa, he can not shoot the people who are not choose to die. His kindness touches her. Teresa turned around, hugged the tree and break into tears.

TO BE CONTINUE ...

Watch the movie called Rice Rhasopdy (Filmed by Singapore ) yesterday with Mesodo. Talk about a traditional Asian Woman thoughts of gay / lesbian. It is quite cool.


In fact I still not get the true meaning of the ending. But I like the word by that French gal ' Life First, Others should become the latter one '


Enjoy the life.


All of you standing on the row, each of them are individual but connected

Nasty

I start this nasty thing yesterday night again , since i really feeling tired and exhausted . I feel really strange recently, since i didn't want to think anything related to my life. I think career / knowleadge is much more important than love affair , maybe .

Just wonder why I can tolerance this situation~ My thoughts made me feeling strange. I not equal I

Packing up my mind II

"sparring partner" by Paolo conte
Oh well,it seems likes such fun,Until you lose what you had won
My immortal
快樂若是雙倍，痛苦亦不會少於。
To love / To be loved
To trust / to be trusted
Hands and arm paralytic , handshake happen
work until midnight
got late more than 20 times per month
Swing when you're winning
Thank you for all morning calls from friends
Think nothing

...

Hate myself

horoscope I

她覺得自己的結婚只是一種無奈的逃避，又何必巷情場決鬥的勝利者那樣興高采烈的去慶祝？她最不喜歡應酬，最討厭一大堆並不熟悉的人擠在一塊兒說些、聽些虛假的「客套」，最不願無話找話說��獅子座的女人喜歡白色，結婚時用的水紅色的龍鳳床單與緞面被子，沒幾天一定會被她全都罩上了一色的白被單；就連茶几上火紅的玫瑰也會被換成了一束潔白的臘梅；加上那套按她意願買的白色組合家具，整個新房一片白色��豪放的獅子座女人就是這麼我行我素。她自在慣了，她總是追求生活的隨意性，不願活得太累。甚至她從未想到過要受「婚姻限制」的限制，甚至於在決定結婚時也沒想到。

07/24 有迷人的人格和親愛的性情，喜歡音樂和藝術，欣賞美麗高貴和美好的東西，有自我縱容的傾向，喜歡受縱容。這只會增加您的困難，因為您得要面對現實，最適於藝術和職業生涯。 女獅會受傷很深，儘管她臉上還掛著笑。一談起戀愛，人間煙火全不見了！七情六慾全獻給一個人

http://www32.brinkster.com/angelwu/star-5.htm

Horoscope

巨蟹獅子座
擺盪的交界 7.19~7.25
季 節： 仲夏 元 素： 水、火

黃道宮位置： 約在巨蟹座26度~獅子座3度
主宰行星：月亮、太陽
理解事物的方式： 感受 、直覺

巨蟹獅子綜合了黃道第四宮巨蟹以及第五宮獅子的部份特色。此星座就像鐘擺具有不停來回擺動的性質。以人類的年齡而言，這一周相當於28歲左右的人，也與土星公轉一周的時間（約28或29年）相吻合。這時期的人第一次以自身歷史的觀點回溯反省自己的童年、青春期和初踏入社會的時期，檢討成長過程或生活中的種種得失，並為將來擬定計畫。所以這段時期對人的一生而言，是個充滿變量的關鍵年紀。在這段期間中，他們可能會面臨結婚、分手、找新工作、搬到別的都市居住或整建新家等事情，換句話說，巨蟹獅子就表現了此時期動蕩不安、彷徨、猶豫不決的特性。

出生在巨蟹獅子這一周的人，身上帶有月亮般陰柔、敏銳以及太陽般積極、暴躁的個性特質。在所有十二個星座交界當中，就數這個交界最特別，它可說是完全相反的兩個星座的結合體，陰（月亮）陽（太陽）並濟。這一周出生的人兼具男性化和女性化兩種特質，也就是說，出生在這一周的男性個性有敏感、女性化的一面，而女性則具有剛強、男性化的一面。但是，結合了上述兩種完全不同特質的巨蟹獅子，可一點也不奇怪或病態，相反地，他們都是圓融、心理健全的人，只是當他們專注在某件事情時，情緒波動會十分劇烈，讓人很難捉摸，完全無法掌握。

出生在這一周的人情緒、愛好的變化都頗富戲劇性，因此給人難以親近的感覺。了解他們的人會藉由和他們慢慢地交談，坐在他們身邊靜靜地摸清他們的喜怒哀樂，這樣才能順利進入他們的內心世界。你很難教巨蟹獅子的人轉換心情，因為他們不喜歡情緒被人操控。此外，他們喜歡跟個性穩定的朋友或事業伙伴來往，換句話說，穩定的職業、穩固的人際關係和可信賴的伴侶，對有衝突性格的巨蟹獅子而言，是身心安定的重要因素。

巨蟹獅子的人熱愛有創意、刺激的工作和活動。雖然他們不見得要當領導者，但是他們的工作效率和能力一直很受眾人肯定。

巨蟹獅子的人很懂得如何與別人合作共事以及表現自己的專業權威。通常他們比較喜歡投入競爭最激烈的地方，而不愛坐冷板凳旁觀。能跟他們共事的親密同事和伙伴通常能和他們分享經驗，因而進一步了解他們的感受和想法。所以巨蟹獅子的人如果能找到能力優秀、勢均力敵、又真正了解他們個性的人一起共事，那真是再好不過了。

巨蟹獅子的人精力充沛，所以他們可以面對危機或進行冒險活動。一般而言，不論是工作、戀愛或休閒，他們都喜歡追求刺激和挑戰。他們無比的勇氣和果斷的能力，能讓他們臨危不亂、處變不驚。不過，他們喜歡挑戰的性格有時會表現得太過火，以致於讓別人誤認為他們個性高傲自大，一心想稱霸、凌駕所有的人。空閒時他們不自覺地喜歡從事刺激、挑戰死神的活動，所以滑翔翼、泛舟、登山等運動是他們的最愛。有時他們會把尋求刺激的慾望轉換成不可能在生活中發生的幻想，這時候動作片、探險小說和電動玩具也很可以滿足他們的需求。

盡管巨蟹獅子的人喜好挑戰，但他們也容易出現情緒低潮的時期。這時他們會一反常態，變得冷漠無情，與平常敏感、善體人意的巨蟹獅子完全不同，簡直判若兩人。這種沮喪常令人煩躁、害怕，尤其在青少年、剛成年的時期更是如此。因此，保持心情穩定對巨蟹獅子的人而言格外重要。

巨蟹獅子的人通常很需要有安全感、可信賴的環境和人際關係，但很矛盾的是，他們又喜歡刺激、不穩定的事物，是無法忍受無聊的人，但是卻又無法掌握這些情況，常常超過自己的極限，做出能力範圍之外的事情。他們只是害怕玩過了頭，所以常嚴格限制自己的行動，這樣反而會產生挫折感，或變得太呆板。相反地，如果一味沉迷於刺激驚險，不多加自我約束，則會造成行為乖張或情緒大幅震蕩的不良後果。應要在新鮮刺激與安全感之間找到一個最佳的平衡點。最好的解決方法是所有的事皆依中道而行，不要太過或不及。假使自己做不到這一點，不妨請教專業咨詢，也非常有助益。

巨蟹獅子的人對兩性的朋友一樣照顧。選擇戀愛對象時，能接受多種不同類型的人，不過，這並不表示這類型的人很花，只能說他們的欣賞範圍很廣泛而已。其實很多巨蟹獅子的人會對一、兩個特定的伴侶很專情，但先決條件是他們的伴侶除了體貼、諒解之外，也必須能和他們有共同的興趣，這樣才能經營出成功的關係。其它巨蟹獅子的人也會碰到難纏或要求很多的對象，他們的關係可能就會捱在那裡，彼此壓力都很大。而他們私底下會往外發展，尋找新的娛樂刺激。總之，巨蟹獅子的人最好能有個好朋友或了解他們的人陪在身邊，在他們遇到困難時不只能協助他們，還能跟他們心靈相通，提供堅強的倚靠，讓他們不至於彷徨無措，頓失了方向。

優點 富道德勇氣、有趣、大膽無懼

缺點 容易狂躁憂郁、情緒不穩定、易沉迷

建議

不論處於人生的高潮或低潮，穩定平靜能帶來好處。多多自律，但也別因此喪失自發、及時反應的本性。保持冷靜的觀察和判斷能力，這不僅能增加你的自信，也可讓你自省。多掌握活在當下的珍貴時刻，不必為過去的問題或未來的計畫而煩心。調整步伐，人生的路才能走得長長久久。

The Unbearable Lightness of Being

Eternal Recurrence:

永劫回歸的幻念似否定的方式肯定了一件事：一旦消逝不再回頭的生命，就如影子一般，沒有重量，預先死亡了，無論生命是否殘酷，是否美麗，這殘酷、這美麗、這燦爛都沒有任何意義。........ 在永劫回歸的世界裡，每一個動作都負荷著讓人不能承受的重責大任，這正是為什麼尼采會說：永劫回歸的概念是最沉重的負擔。......最沉重的負擔同時也是最激越的生命實現的形象。負擔越沉重，我們的生命就越貼近地面，生命也就越寫實也越真實。相反的，完全沒有負擔會讓人的存在變得比空氣還要輕，會讓人的存在飛起，遠離地面，遠離人世的存在，變得只是似真非真，一切動作都變得自由自在，卻又無足輕重。
那麼，我們該選哪一個呢？重，還是輕？......重和輕，哪一個才是正的？

The unbearabele lightness of being

Read the first chapter of The unbearabele lightness of being 2 times. I start to get the meaning

Dark / Light
Elegant / Rough
Warm / Cold
Exist / Non-exist
Heavy / Light

How can we define -